how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
