i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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