Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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