so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
