1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
