I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
