Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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