our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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