I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
