Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
