If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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