Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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