Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
