good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
