Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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