it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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