I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
