I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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