Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
