please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
