WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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