Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
