I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
