I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So squirting runs in the family.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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