well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
