Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
