Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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