i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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