Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
