i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
