Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
