I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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