the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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