Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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