hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
