my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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