sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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