Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
