did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize