I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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