i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
