that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
