I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
