Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
