i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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