While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
