why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
