Are we in a gay sports bar?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
