i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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