I wish my penis had an off switch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize