Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
