Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
