I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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