drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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