Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
