I can't watch pbs sober anymore
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
