No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i now understand why vodka
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
