When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
