Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My cat gives me a boner
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
