BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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