Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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