never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
